It’s Time I Told You I’m Gay


Photo by: Diana Crandall

By Christian Brown

When my best friend got married in 2009, I was thrilled when he chose me as his best man.

It was an honor to stand by his side at the altar and support him as his beautiful bride walked gracefully down the aisle to wed him.

I’ll never forget the flashes of joy on his face as she drew closer and closer. First, a grin and a giggle, then tears, plenty of tears.

Many things were running through my head at that moment, but there’s one thought in particular that still haunts me today.

“I’ll never get to experience this joy because I’m a gay Christian.”

READ ALSO: “Worship Songwriter Vicky Beeching Comes Out Gay”

I’ve never shared this thought publicly before. Instead, I’ve spent the last 15 years secretly trying to find a way to reconcile my sexuality and my faith. I’ve searched for cures and healings, fasted and prayed, invested in ex-gay counseling, studied the Scriptures, and considered lifelong celibacy.

My conclusion? I’ll never be happy unless I embrace both my sexuality and my Christian faith, even if it means getting the Church welcome mat pulled right from under my feet. I used to believe that being in a gay relationship was a sin.

As a result, I spent much of my young adulthood searching for alternative options, but to my chagrin, none of the Church’s “solutions” worked.

There’s been a lot of coverage of ex-gay Christians who left the “homosexual lifestyle” and much fodder over evangelical churches who have abandoned the conservative stance on homosexuality to welcome the LGBT community.

READ ALSO: “Leading Evangelical Ethicist David Gushee is Now Pro-LGBT”

For years I’ve hidden my true sexuality in order to avoid this conversation. I was afraid of losing friends, family members, and church membership, but even as the Supreme Court provided marriage equality nationwide this week, I feel like I must speak out. I have to tell the truth.

While the issue of affirming the LGBT community is still splitting up Christian leaders, I can say on a personal level, the issue has always divided me.

Taken during a school field trip to Washington D.C. in 1998.

Ever since I was 12-years-old, I knew. I liked other boys. An unsettling discovery for any young black kid growing up with an absent father and a strict, religious mother.

But what crushed me the most was the fact that I knew God hated homosexuality. Although it was never said directly, I learned early on where all these unrepentant people went – hell.

My upbringing in the Pentecostal church taught me that God loved everyone, but sinners who did not know Jesus had their place in the lake of fire. First on the list were atheists and homosexuals.

You can imagine the impact this teaching had on me. I sought every cure I could find. I prayed and fasted earnestly every night that God would heal me of these “nasty attractions.” I watched testimonies of “ex-gay” Christians who overcame same-sex attractions and became heterosexual.

“Lord, please let it happen to me.”

I joined ex-gay ministries online and received counseling from ministers who encouraged me to shed any gay identity and see myself as a “son of the King.”

Along the way, I dated women “in faith,” believing that my attractions would change once I met the right girl.

SEE ALSO: “Is It Possible to Pray the Gay Away?”

The result? Nothing. Nada. My attractions never changed, but one thing did change as a result of me trying to eradicate my homosexuality, I slowly began to hate myself.

Depression began to set in. I became verbally abusive towards myself using words I dare not repeat here. I knew I was a Christian, a part of God’s family, but I wanted to end my life.

Suicide was an option for me just like it is for so many LGBT youth unfortunately.

This is where I have to thank God. Contrary to what some might think, God does love the LGBT community and His sacrifice on the cross transcends race, gender, and sexuality. The Bible says if we only call upon the Lord we will be saved.

If it wasn’t for that hope, which I found in Jesus Christ, I know I’d be dead. But through the anger and emptiness, God was there – and I found solace in knowing that one day things would get better.

I decided to stop fighting my attractions and just accept them. But what would that mean for my future? I was left with two options: committing to lifelong celibacy or affirming same-sex relationships.

Honestly, neither one felt right initially. And maybe it’s because the Bible and Church doctrine aren’t on the same page.

SEE ALSO: “Largest ‘Gay Cure’ Ministry in the U.S. Shuts Down” 

Both Jesus and Paul the apostle address celibacy in scripture. When His disciples are ranting about the messiness of marriage and divorce in Matthew 19:10, Jesus says not all men can accept the alternative (celibacy), but only “those to which it has been given.”

Likewise, Paul encouraged unmarried Christians in 1 Corinthians 7:9 to remain single if they could exercise self-control. If not, he urged them to marry because that’s better than burning with passion and lust.

Although these scriptures appear quite clear, the evangelical church has had no problem mandating that gay Christians adopt lifelong celibacy because that’s apparently a better alternative to homosexuality. But is it?

Being gay didn't stop the fact that I love to worship God.

Being gay didn’t stop the fact that I love to worship God. And I did it with all my heart.

I’ll be the first to say I do not have the gift of celibacy. As a result, the last 10 years for me as a young adult have been torturous.

I’m of marrying age yet I cannot court a partner, cannot ever fall in love, and must suppress desires I have for a committed, monogamous gay relationship.

It’s not easy, and honestly, it’s not sustainable anymore.

I cannot imagine a life being celibate forever. Is it because I’m lustful and can’t live without sex? No. It’s because I’m human and can’t live without companionship. In recent months, I’ve been reviewing the alternative to lifelong celibacy – an affirming gay lifestyle.

SEE ALSO: “Pastor Tony Campolo Announces Support for LGBT Inclusion” 

It’s easy to fall into the trap of reading the Bible in a very literal way.

Most of the time, that’s a good thing, but there are moments when context is needed.

For example, 500 years ago, all Christians believed the Sun revolved around the Earth. They based this on scripture as the book of Psalms speaks of the Sun’s rotation (it’s rising and setting.)

When famed astronomer Galileo discovered that the Earth in fact revolves around the Sun, the Church excommunicated him and declared him a heretic.

Could it be that the six passages in the Bible that condemn homosexual practice were not directed at the modern-day context of it?

When it comes to homosexuality in the ancient world, both conservative and liberal scholars acknowledge that it had a different context in the Roman Empire.

First, the concept of an exclusive gay orientation didn’t exist.

While some men were known to have sexual encounters with both sexes, all men were primarily viewed as heterosexual. This might be why Jesus and Paul did not think to mention homosexuals in their conversations about celibacy. They both assumed all humans were heterosexual.

Second, homosexuality was viewed as an excess caused by lustfulness and a lack of self-control.

Matthew Vines, the author of “God and the Gay Christian,” explains this point better than me. But many writers of the time used alcohol as an analogy for lust. Just like an undisciplined person gets drunk, an inordinately sexual person commits homosexual acts.

It didn’t have to do with a person’s orientation; the ancient world believed homosexual acts happened when people got too lustful.

Do we really believe that today? Are all gay people just whoremongers driven by lust? I doubt even most conservative Christians would accept that philosophy. In the 21st century, we understand that being gay is something that is outside of a person’s control.

Last point on ancient world homosexuality, it usually involved man-boy relationships, temple prostitution, and the rape of slaves by their masters.

Bottom line, there was nothing redeemable about this practice so it’s obvious why Paul and Moses condemned it.

Fast forward to 2015, and you’ll see that the gay Christians in our churches today don’t want any association with evil lust, rape, molestation, or fornication. We just want inclusion, affirmation, and the ability to have the same loving, monogamous relationships and marriages heterosexuals are allowed.

While this might sound reasonable, a majority of Church leadership has not been persuaded that this doctrine is worth accepting, making it uncomfortable for anyone to truly own his or her sexuality and Christian faith.

SEE ALSO: “Evangelical Leaders Host Private Discussion on LGBT Inclusion at Biola University”

A recent Time Magazine article by Elizabeth Dias highlighted evolving attitudes on LGBT inclusion in the evangelical church, but it overlooked an important point – most Christians haven’t had a change of heart.

Using statistics from the Public Religion Research Institute, Dias highlighted the growing acceptance of gay marriage among young evangelicals, a bloc that doubled its support from just 20 percent in 2003 to 42 percent last year.

However, that doesn’t mean too much when more than 30 percent of the U.S. church world is 60-years-old and older. In fact, a Duke University study shows that 61 percent of America’s churches are led by a clergyperson over the age of 50.

SEE ALSO: “La Mirada Pastor Switches Opinion on LGBT Rights After Gay Son Comes Out”

Those numbers don’t bode well for LGBT inclusion when just 42 percent of Americans 65 and older think gay marriage should be legal.

That’s the lowest level of support compared to any other U.S. age group.

What does that mean for thousands of gay Christians? Coming out in support of same-sex relationships is a surefire way of being rejected by the American Church.

What does that mean for me? If there are no other solutions from the evangelical church on this, I will consider the possibility of a gay relationship.

(But for the record, I am not actively in a relationship nor am I seeking one now.)

Nonetheless, I’m likely to face immediate rejection from friends and family, but I’m not afraid.

God loves and accepts me. And it’s high time I did the same.

Follow Christian Brown on Twitter here and read his follow-up article “Three Things I Learned Since Coming Out As A Gay Christian.”


18 thoughts on “It’s Time I Told You I’m Gay

  1. Rene

    No one said it would be easy to serve God. Sacrifice is where the rubber meets the road. When we are asked by God to give up what we hold dear. Just as he gave up his Son which He held so dear, God asks us to give up what we hold dear or even what our eyes lust after. Not all things forbidden are evil in themselves. For example, the apple Adam and Eve ate was not evil. But they were forbidden to feed there flesh with it. And why? It was nutritious and probably delicious. Well, ‘Why’, didn’t matter. That God said ‘No’ mattered and they were asked to obey. Not to reason or justify eating it. That was the sly snakes job. To help them justify their actions. Many have pondered the question, “why would God put a temptation in their midst?” Was he being cruel? Was this some sick game? Well, maybe God did it to give them something to give up for Him. Something they’d have to sacrifice. Fruit and eating fruit is not wrong. Disobedience is. Why would God ask Abraham to sacrifice his only beloved son, why not something easier? Because it ain’t a sacrifice unless it’s the thing we hold most dear. Would Your God ask you of such a difficult thing? Some would say, what kind of God is that? My God wouldn’t ask me to give up something I deeply desire. Well, He is the kind of God that first gave up something he deeply loved, for you. He gave his son as a lamb to the slaughter. And he gives us things to lay down for him. But they are not easy either. Was that evil of God to put forbidden fruit in Adam and Eves midst. Did God put the forbidden thing in your life. Either He did or allowed it to be put their but either way, is that evil of Him? To allow us to be surrounded by forbidden things and desires. Not Your God? Well, that preview, that answer is determined by the depths of our love for Him. God, being all knowing, tested Abrahams love. Questioned it maybe, but Abraham proved his love by passing Gods test. God said, “Now I know”, as if He didn’t already, “that you love Me because you were willing to Give up your only son for me.” This is love tested and proven by gigantic, enormous, grievous, serious, wild, crazy, fearful, difficult, painful, unbelievable sacrifice. God tests our love you know. It’s right in front of us. When our love for God is shallow, God is a cruel God. When our love runs extra deep, it’s our desire to despise the sin for the joy of His pleasure before us. That He is blessed is our passion, not that our passions are fed at all costs. What wouldn’t a person give up for someone he/she deeply loves. That’s what true love makes us do. Crazy things. And if Jesus is our FIRST true love then all sacrifice starts with Him first. We are His true love. That’s why Jesus went all the way on the cross and despised the shame for the joy set before Him. True love for you. It’s why Abraham was willing to go all the way to the death of his son. It’s why Job refused to curse God. Many have given up greater things. And let the readers eyes be open. Its not about what joys God affords us in life. Its about what we can give up for Him now. Without the absolute deepest love for God, our sacrifice will be shallow, short lived and turn to frustration. I was in heaven once and looked down on earth in a dream. I saw all that was and felt that not one thing on earth forbidden or not was worth giving up heaven for. It all looked empty. But I had heavens perspective I think. My own sins and frustration flashed before me and I said to myself in the dream, “Nothing is worth it. Nothing is worth taking a chance”


    • As a Side B (or non-affirming) gay Christian, I agree with your conclusion, but, as a purely intellectual/theological argument, I like to ask Christians who make the point you made about this being a sacrifice for God this question: What has God asked you to sacrifice for Him? Many people will tell a gay Christian that they just have to tough it out and live the life God has called them to (which I do believe), but the thing is, virtually no one would tell a couple who is unable to have a child that this is just a sacrifice they have to make. You wouldn’t tell a heterosexual single person who is grieving over their singleness that it’s just not in God’s plan for them to be happy. Again, I agree with the destination and I definitely agree with your point that happiness in this life isn’t worth jeopardizing eternity with God, but I just hope that we can be a little more compassionate in our encouragement of gay Christians to remain single/celibate.


      • Rene

        I’m really not here to start a debate with others. That said, some things by design are forbidden. Having a child or being single or heterosexually married are not. Would God put upon some, like Paul the apostle, to remain unmarried, yes. The inability to have children is without choice or control. While homosexuals make the argument that it’s beyond their control, it’s not. Case in point, Paul. He remained unmarried and endured it free willingly.
        What do you see in Paul’s ministry. You see sincere passion for Gods kingdom, not for the lust of the flesh. You see perseverance in his spiritual walk, not in satisfying his flesh. In short, he sacrificed a normal life because of his passion for Gods kingdom. And a heterosexual relationship was not even forbidden. He had the gift you say. Gifts I think are misunderstood. That’s said, anyone can pray for the “Gift” of anything. You don’t have to be born with a gift.

        As for me, I’m unmarried and believe you me, I love women. Before I was saved I couldn’t resist pretty girls. I won’t go into detail as to what God asked me to give up but I’ll tell you I’ve wrestled with God about it. Something’s I realize are forbidden and I shun them now. I don’t justify them. Other things, that others get to enjoy, I wonder why. But I’m always reminded, by the Spirit, that He and His kingdom are blessed in my sacrifice. And I’m reminded that that is what I’m living for. Not worldly acceptance or approval. Not even a normal life. I’m living to honor, glorify, please, and obey God.
        Isn’t that more important than anything this world has to offer. What’s it all worth anyhow. This life is full of mediocre pleasure compared to what awaits. Definitely not worth giving up heaven for. Life’s too short to waste it on debates as to what is sin and what is not. Its akin to ‘gaining the whole world but losing your soul’. It’s all going to pass away anyways. Live on the safest side until you see heaven. More importantly live to please Him. Paul had some kind of ‘Thorne in his flesh’ as he described. Gods answer, “My grace is sufficient”. I can testify that grace and joy, for me, have replaced any frustrations or doubts.
        Remember that this life and all its joys and it’s short length of time, can’t compare to the joys and eternity that awaits. This life is so not worth it. It’s so so so not worth it. Stay on the safest side till you die. You will regret nothing in heaven!!

        And don’t tell me homosexuality is the most difficult struggle anyone has had to endure. Pedophiles have to endure a burning lust for forbidden things too. Do you excuse them or justify their desires. Heterosexuals must endure celibacy until marriage. Sex outside of marriage is just as forbidden. Do you excuse or justify them.
        We’re all a hot mess. But that’s what sin does. It complicate and confuses things. For the joy set before us, endure the suffering. Take joy that you partner in His suffering. 1 Peter 4:13.
        Seems though that Christian brown had long made up his mind. I don’t think he’s looking for anything other than agreeable arguments to his position.
        I’ll sometimes tell people, “If you’re sure of what you believe then take it to the grave. So will I. When we all go before God we’ll see who was right.” God will settle it on that day.


  2. Zach

    Dear sir, since you possess the courage and intellect to accept and embrace your true self, maybe it’s time for you to also reconsider this religion crap. I see no harm in living as a man of science and morality, which comes from all sources of life, including religion but not solely provided and dominated by religion. The realm of science and reason encompasses endless possibilities which is light years more vast and spiritual than “the Kingdom of God”. I know I sound like preaching, which is self-contradictory. But please, ignore my overly enthusiastic tone. Wish you all the best.


  3. C

    Wow, Christian. I think I’m equally impressed by your courage, your perseverence, you honesty, and hope as I am truly discouraged by the tone and lack of compassion from your first two commenters. Just, wow. Talk about not helpful.

    You’re in a small group of those doing a deeper dive and not really embraced by either community and I’m sorry you’re walking this (or have been walking this for some time) alone. I too am wrestling with the broader passages (I’d add maybe “it’s not good for man to be alone”) and what those mean in a situation where there really does not seem to be any other hope for lasting companionship. I am not gay, but I am not married either, and the overwhelming call to love one another is not one that I think is always lived out well toward singles of any kind in the church community but I would imagine especially those who thwart the “you’re just waiting until
    the right one comes along” narrative.

    I don’t have solutions at this point, but I do have a ton of respect for you. I appreciate you sharing your process and struggle and your desire to honor God in the midst of it. I pray He will lead you to a deeper understanding of what He wants for you, one way or the other.


  4. You don’t have to choose between your faith and your sexuality. Just pick a church that doesn’t preach hate. They are out there. Good luck on your journey. Your story reminds me of a friend’s and she’s happier now that she came out.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joe Arney

    Dear Christian,

    I want to start by thanking you for your honesty concerning your struggles. So many Christians, myself included, prefer to hide or whitewash our struggles and temptations. Sometimes we do it out of fear, sometimes out of pride, and sometimes out of a misplaced sense of propriety or desire to appear strong so as to encourage the weak. But, in uncovering our temptations, our weaknesses, our struggles and our sins, we are sharing our common lot with fallen man and, in doing so, are able to share God’s faithfulness and unbounded mercy, love, and grace which He bestows upon His children. You are not alone in your temptations and, in unveiling them, you allow the Light to shine.

    Now please consider these questions: where is your sufficiency? In what is it placed? In whom? Is it found in Jesus Christ or in someone or something else? So many people look for their sufficiency and salvation in other people or things. They may not confess it with their mouths, but their lives demonstrate that their sufficiency is placed in their marriage, in their family, in their job, in their bank account, in their adventures, in their social activism, in their pets and the list goes on. I think we would both recognize this as modern-day idolatry. Many who claim Christ do not find their sufficiency in Him: for them it is Jesus plus a wife, Jesus plus kids, Jesus plus a stable income…. These are gifts from God, but they ought never to be given equal footing with the God Who made us. Nor should they be resented for not being given. Rather we should daily remind ourselves that, those whom Christ has redeemed have already been given a gift so unimaginably magnificent and so undeservedly bestowed that to demand more would demonstrate a wretched ingratitude of incredible proportions. I do not lay this accusation at your door, but I write it to remind both of us what our attitudes ought to be in light of such a perfect gift given to such unworthy creatures as you and I represent–myself certainly the worst of the two.

    The marriage of one man and one woman is a beautiful thing and a gift from God; one which He has not seen fit to bestow on me. I am 36 and I don’t know if He will ever bless me with such a gift, though I would dearly love it. I try daily to submit my fallible and flawed will to His perfect and sovereign one. He has shown time and time again, in His word and in my life, that He is faithful, loving, merciful, just, holy, and pure. He knows what’s best for me and He knows what I need and when I need it. Mine is but to submit to His will in all things, knowing that, as my loving Father, He will work all things for the good of those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). My feelings say that a wife is good, that kids are good, that traveling the world is good, that a healthy, secure income is good, and other creaturely comforts. In the course of my life, God may agree or He may not, but His definition is much fuller and more profound: He says that sacrifice is good (Rom. 2:1), that trials are good (Rom. 5:3-5), that persecution is good (Matt. 5:11), even that death is good (Phil. 1:23)! Ought I not to subsume my understanding of “good” to God’s?

    One cannot be a gay Christian any more than one can be a murderous Christian, or an alcoholic Christian, or a wrathful Christian, or a promiscuous Christian. To define ourselves in such a way is to claim two masters, and Jesus says we cannot serve both God and mammon (Matt. 6:19). We cannot be servants of God if we are slaves to sin. Can we live a life entirely free from sin? No. But nor can we live lives defined by habitual sin and claim relationship with the most holy Being in the universe (1 John 2:4).

    Everyone undergoes temptation, but, for the true believer, God promises to provide a way out. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that there is no temptation except that which is common to man. The same-sex attraction you are experiencing is not new to this generation or this culture, it hearkens back to the earliest Fathers and even assailed those in the early Church. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” How gracious are these words of God to both warn us and to give us hope! “Such were some of you.” There were, in the early Church, some who had lived lives of drunkenness, of thievery, of mockery, of dishonesty, and of sexual immorality, but they were cleansed! There were those who had practiced homosexuality, but they were washed, sanctified, and justified! Such were they! And such can we be: washed, sanctified, and justified by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ which allows us to put aside the old man (Eph. 4:22-24).

    You might be thinking that it is far easier for me to write these words than for you to live the life they call you to. And you’d be right. Your struggle is not an easy one nor is it lightly considered. Luke 14:25-33 reminds us of what we must forsake in order to be disciples of Jesus. But I am here to tell you that you have brothers and sisters who will stand by you and pray for you and help you through these struggles. You are not alone. You can be sufficient in Christ who is all and in all of His redeemed (Col. 3:5-11). Please seek Him and not the approbation of the world, for the world practices evil and approves of those who join them (Rom. 1:32). The enemy will not stop at twisting hearts and minds, but will seek to twist even the very word of God so as to ensnare his victims. Please read Psalm 19:7-14 and rejoice in God’s word with David and be encouraged to return to it daily as you seek to live a holy life, set apart for His good purpose, knowing that His will for your life will be the very best possible expenditure of it. And the light afflictions which we endure in this short life will be quickly forgotten in the glory that awaits (Rom. 8:18).

    My prayers are with you, my friend. If you desire any further correspondence, my email is

    God bless you,
    Joe A.

    Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:16-18


  6. pippN

    I’m sorry for the people in the comments who don’t seem to understand. There simply isn’t a logical argument to be had against LGBTQ orientations. There is personal opinion, personal religion, and personal bias. None of these are valid arguments against someone else’s life, and the sexual orientation of someone who is neither a) you nor b) your partner is none of your business. Absolutely none. It doesn’t affect you. Especially if you live in a country like the USA, which is all about personal liberty–if you’re not hurting anyone, and LGBTQ people are no more likely to hurt anyone than straight people are, then you should be free to go about your business.

    We would also all do well to remember that while the Bible has a lot of good to offer, its passages have also been used to justify some really bad stuff too, like subjugating women, enslaving people of color, arguing against mixed-race marriages, even going to war–in a few years we’ll look back and realize that people are doing the same thing with the Bible and LGBTQ people, even if they don’t mean it hatefully. (But honestly, it doesn’t matter how lovingly you tell someone they’re a sinner who’s going to hell. It’s still a horrible thing to say, and still only our opinion.) I say this as a long-practicing Christian, who loves Jesus and the things he said and genuinely does believe in him.

    But anyone who falls on the LGBTQ spectrum can tell you that the worst thing about their orientation is not their attraction to members of the same sex or any other “non-hetero-normative” sex or gender preferences. There is no natural shame in being LGBT or Q. Nobody feels shame about it until someone tells them to. The worst thing is the judgment from other people who are unwilling to even try to understand, because your personal interpretation of the words from a two-thousand-year-old book that has been translated time and time and time again are more important than the flesh-and-blood person standing right in front of you. It seems like very few people are willing to reexamine their own beliefs. We all think we always have the answers, and that God’s views magically and completely align with our own.

    Tl,dr; The business of two adults, as long as everything they do is safe, sane, and consensual, is nobody else’s business.

    Also, Christian, thank you for sharing your story, and sorry about the haters.


    • josh

      You obviously don’t know the teachings of Jesus nor Paul. Christianity is about telling everybody what is right and wrong based on Scripture. Hard to complain about being told what is right and wrong when you want to be in the “church”. Don’t forget this is a story about those who want to be in the church and are telling others what is right and wrong.


  7. Daniel Lynem

    Thanks to Joe Arney, you did a good job and already said what I was going to say, so I find no need to do a repeat. So, here’s my personal testimony. Christian, I also will keep you in prayer. We all struggle with sin in one way or another. Its not that a person is born a homosexual or fornicator etc but that we are all born a sinners. The question is, what are you going to do with your sinful condition, submit to it or repent and surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ as your Savior?

    I like you, fought, as a Believer, a very strong sexual attraction. But mine was to pronography. I prayed, like you, many times on my face through tears, begging and pleading with God to please please remove the desire. This went on for a number of years. Every 3-4 mos I would get this strong desire for pronography, I would fast, beg some more, quote scripture, cry out for relief and then fall flat on my face. Then, after years of struggle, God gave me the answer. It was the same answer He gave Paul upon his request to have the thorn in his flesh removed. The Lord said to me that His Grace is sufficient , and His strength is made perfect in weakness. What was the way of escape He promised to provide(1 Cor 10:13)?

    My problem was I had been looking and seeking the wrong way of escape and was confused because I knew His promises was true. We/I looked for the easy way out but asked a miss(James 4:3)and wondered why we/I couldn’t have it our/my way. Then came the answer…self-control, obedience (1 Jn 2:4), saying yes to the Lord and no to sin. Just getting the answer and the way of escape was a major relief. And with Grace sufficient, my weakness replaced by His strength I knew that pressing toward the prize and not giving up was all worth it(James 1:12).

    I would not be truthful if I said the temptations all went away. Its been 20 yrs and I still get tempted but by the Grace and strength of God I’m able to always know the way of escape…put on self-control, and obey my Lord by saying no to sin. I hide the Word in my heart that I might not sin against God(Psalm 119:11) and made and strive to keep the covenant I made with my eyes(Job 31:1). Out of a love for you and your soul(James 5:19-20)…I exhort, reproof, correct, and seek to give you Godly instruction to live a life of righteousness before God and the world..

    Repent right now and turn from your sinful decision and put on self-control in obedience and be Holy as God called you to be Holy(Galatians 5:22-23, Titus 1:8, 2:11-12, 2 Peter 1:5-9, 1 Peter 1:16, 5:8) Don’t buy satan’s lie, your sexual desires don’t define who you are, no more than mine defined who I was. We can’t serve two masters, you will either hate one and love the other. This life is serious warfare and we are either killing sin or sin will be killing us, this life isn’t for the faint of heart. I couldn’t/can’t serve my sinful, lustful desires for pronography and Christ at the same time and you can’t serve your sinful desires(homosexuality) and Christ at the same time,.. listen to how Paul lays it out (Rom 5:20-6:23).

    If you really are a true follower of Christ then you are a new creation and the old man has passed away and your new identity is in Christ Alone. Remember after Christ disciples left Him.. “So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” Which group are you going with? Those who left or the 12? I’ll leave you with a couple scriptures.

    But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit](1 Cor 9:27 AMP)

    I treat my body hard [discipline/subdue/pummel my body] and ·make it my slave [subdue it] so that I myself will not be disqualified after I have preached to others(1 Cor 9:27 EXB)

    For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; read more.and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. – (1 Thess 4:3-7).

    I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness.

    20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. 22 But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:19-23)

    Love You Dearly,

    I have two granddaughters who are homosexual, I love them both deeply and they know it. I have good relationships with them. I don’t judge them and I won’t judge you, even though you might think its what I’ve done in this message. I trust you know where I’m coming from.

    Regardless of what you do, even if you decide to stick with your current decision, please feel free to contact me, I’ll be a true friend.


  8. Bruce

    Love to you, brother. Thanks for raising the courage to share this. I just discovered your blog and have been appreciating your thoughts. I pray your journey these past few months has been a peaceful one. Give me a shout if you ever want to talk.


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